Pastoral Counseling and Testing

Pastoral Counseling and Testing
Nobody taught you how to be married. It is a simple fact that other than living in our own families and using them as models, few folks really have any training in couple relationships.

Whether there are issues to be discussed, or you just want to prepare for a sound marriage you can count on Remembrance Weddings. We have years of experience in relationship building, strengthening and counseling with couples.

Not your typical pastoral counseling on religion and your relationship, our association with Relationship Counseling Associates allows us to offer various forms of testing and counseling to give your marriage the best possible start.  

One which is particularly relevant to couples is “Heart to Heart.” This computer driven test facilitates the couple knowing each other better and reveals topics for discussion in the twelve critical areas that cause problems for relationships.

The sessions that follow the testing are designed to help the couples communicate more effectively, solve misunderstandings and build a stronger relationship.  


Other available testing will identify your personality type, temperament and learning and communications styles to facilitate better understanding and communication with your partner.
This is not a requirement for us to perform your ceremony, We recommend it to all our clients.

Ask yourself this question: Who Taught You How to Make a Marriage Work?

The sorry fact is that nobody did. A successful marriage starts with love. But it requires skills to make it last. And in most cases nobody taught you what those skills are and how to make them work in your relationship.


To better their chances for success, couples need training in 12 specific areas.  How to negotiate power in the relationship; how to fight fair; parenting and discipline; family and friends; sex and intimacy; finances and goals; are just some of the skills you need to go the distance..
We can provide pastoral counseling and training in relationship building prior to or after the ceremony to help couples strengthen their relationship. 

This is not a requirement for us to perform your wedding ceremony. But we recommend marital counseling to all our clients….even if you choose to get it elsewhere.

Most marriage counselors will tell you that by the time most couples come to therapy they have built up resentment and walls which will never go away.

A better approach is to get the skills you need and counseling early before little things become big ones. We are experienced at helping you strengthen your relationship before or  after your wedding. We love it when our couples live "happily ever after."

This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with....

  Key Principle for a Successful Marriage. 

Always Remember: This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with.

Who taught you how to argue with your spouse? We learned, so now you can.

Later we'll post  a podcast of a radio show and seminar I did with Dr. Harry Bradley, a Saint Louis Ph.D. psychologist on How to Fight Fair. I don't do a lot of recommendations, but if you have need of some counseling (and who doesn't) Harry is a great guy, the consummate professional counselor. We have worked together on projects and I saw Harry myself for counseling when I was diagnosed with cancer years back. 

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about the advise I include in many weddings Address To The Couple about arguing with your spouse.

The fact is no relationship is perfect. No person is perfect (not even me!) So inevitable there will be some conflict in your marriage, somewhere along the line. 

Noted author Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "Marriage is like life in that it is a field of battle.... and not a bed of roses."

 Renowned psychologist Carl Jung stated," :Seldom or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises. There is no coming to consciousness without pain." 

Sometimes when we argue we get angry. In anger, in order to win an argument,  we may be tempted to say mean and terrible words to our spouse to win the argument. But terrible words, once said....may be forgiven because of love...but they will never be forgotten.

This is such an important statement that I want to repeat it again.

Terrible words once said....may be forgiven because of love....but they will never be forgotten. 

Those unforgotten words will be the first brick in the wall between you. With enough of those bricks you will find yourself behind a wall so big neither of you can get around it.

  
Always Remember: This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. Speak to them keeping that in mind.

Introduction

Years ago I headed a five person counseling practice that was attached to one of the Midwest's largest dating services. In order to be part of our group you had to take three psychological tests and meet with a state licensed therapist.  


What we had was something similar to what EHarmony does on the web, but we did it face to face with a licensed counseling staff. 


Our advisory team, and guest experts included noted authorities in fields related to the choosing, wooing, understanding and keeping a relationship and marriage. Folks like Helen Fisher (noted anthropologist and now chief science officer at Chemistry,com ) Harvel Hendricks (author of "Getting the Love You Want," "Keeping the Love You Find,) Dr. Randy Hammer (noted sex therapist,) Dr. Dori Hollandar (author of "101 Lies Men Tell Women and Why Women Believe Them," ) John Gray ( author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.) and more. 
  
The purposes of the center were: 

1. Teach members about themselves. 
2. Teach members about making choices based on their knowledge of themselves.
3. Provide them ways to meet other people also knowledgeable about themselves and making choices. We did this through a proprietary matching system, member's own choices from member profiles and videos, and events we sponsored for our membership
4. Through readings, seminars and events, teach them the skills they need to make a relationship work, including: Parenting and Discipline, Finances and Goals, Sex and Intimacy, How to Fight Fair and many more.

This blog will attempt give insight to what we learned and have tried to teach others. Some will be written, some will be pod-casts from our guest lecturers and advisers. We will also be posting about love, marriage, with us you just never know.


We have asked other ministers, counselors and other folks to post as well with their thoughts, wedding info and a lot more.


We hope you find it useful.


If you have something you would like to share on the blog please email to revmillion@yahoo.com


Cordially, 

The Most Reverend Charles E. Million D.D.