Tuesday, July 24, 2012

This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with....

  Key Principle for a Successful Marriage. 

Always Remember: This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with.

Who taught you how to argue with your spouse? We learned, so now you can.

Later we'll post  a podcast of a radio show and seminar I did with Dr. Harry Bradley, a Saint Louis Ph.D. psychologist on How to Fight Fair. I don't do a lot of recommendations, but if you have need of some counseling (and who doesn't) Harry is a great guy, the consummate professional counselor. We have worked together on projects and I saw Harry myself for counseling when I was diagnosed with cancer years back. 

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about the advise I include in many weddings Address To The Couple about arguing with your spouse.

The fact is no relationship is perfect. No person is perfect (not even me!) So inevitable there will be some conflict in your marriage, somewhere along the line. 

Noted author Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "Marriage is like life in that it is a field of battle.... and not a bed of roses."

 Renowned psychologist Carl Jung stated," :Seldom or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises. There is no coming to consciousness without pain." 

Sometimes when we argue we get angry. In anger, in order to win an argument,  we may be tempted to say mean and terrible words to our spouse to win the argument. But terrible words, once said....may be forgiven because of love...but they will never be forgotten.

This is such an important statement that I want to repeat it again.

Terrible words once said....may be forgiven because of love....but they will never be forgotten. 

Those unforgotten words will be the first brick in the wall between you. With enough of those bricks you will find yourself behind a wall so big neither of you can get around it.
Always Remember: This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. Speak to them keeping that in mind.


Years ago I headed a five person counseling practice that was attached to one of the Midwest's largest dating services. In order to be part of our group you had to take three psychological tests and meet with a state licensed therapist.  

What we had was something similar to what EHarmony does on the web, but we did it face to face with a licensed counseling staff. 

Our advisory team, and guest experts included noted authorities in fields related to the choosing, wooing, understanding and keeping a relationship and marriage. Folks like Helen Fisher (noted anthropologist and now chief science officer at Chemistry,com ) Harvel Hendricks (author of "Getting the Love You Want," "Keeping the Love You Find,) Dr. Randy Hammer (noted sex therapist,) Dr. Dori Hollandar (author of "101 Lies Men Tell Women and Why Women Believe Them," ) John Gray ( author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.) and more. 
The purposes of the center were: 
  1. Teach members about themselves. 
  2. Teach members about making choices based on their knowledge of themselves.
  3. Provide them ways to meet other people also knowledgeable about themselves and making choices. We did this through a proprietary matching system, member's own choices from member profiles and videos, and events we sponsored for our membership
  4. Through readings, seminars and events, teach them the skills they need to make a relationship work, including: Parenting and Discipline, Finances and Goals, Sex and Intimacy, How to Fight Fair and many more.
This blog will attempt give insight to what we learned and have tried to teach others. Some will be written, some will be pod-casts from our guest lecturers and advisers. We will also be posting about love, marriage, with us you just never know.

We have asked other ministers, counselors and other folks to post as well with their thoughts, wedding info and a lot more.

We hope you find it useful.

If you have something you would like to share on the blog please email to revmillion@yahoo.com


The Most Reverend Charles E. Million D.D.