Elopements on the rise

This week I have attached an ABC News video about elopements

http://abcnews.go.com/US/story?id=91726&page=1

What do you think is your main responsibility as an officiate?

What do you think is your main responsibility as an officiate?

I have responsibilities to both the state and the couple in a civil or non religious wedding. There is additional responsibility in a religious wedding.

My responsibility to the state is:

Outdoor gazebo wedding at the DeMenil House

• ·        to make sure that the couple has obtained a marriage license and that it is less than 30 days since they obtained it.
• ·        The state requires that I know the people that I am marrying are the people on the license. If I know the couple there is no problem but if I do not know them I must verify their identity with a government issued photo ID.
• ·        In Illinois I must be sure the ceremony is being performed in  the same county where it was obtained. Missouri does not have this requirement, as a Missouri license can be obtained in any courthouse anywhere in the state and it is good throughout the state. 
•   Finally, I have the responsibility of seeing that the paperwork is filled out correctly and that it is filed with the Recorder of Deeds on a timely basis,

My responsibility to the couple is immense and one I take very seriously:

• First to make sure that the couple gets the wedding of their dreams....the kind of ceremony that they want, and one which (if they choose) reflects their personalities and the unique bond which links them.
• Further, I take responsibility that the wedding  meets the Remembrance Wedding three part

  

  Back yard wedding beside pool.

  mission.

• ·        The wedding should be beautiful....in language and in the pictures that it paints....both in the minds of the couple and in the minds of the attendees.
• ·        The wedding should be meaningful. I try to stay away from empty fluff and use the ceremony to make the couple and their guests think about love, marriage and the things that are necessary to make marriage work.
• ·        The wedding is memorable.  I try to stay away from wedding language, vows, rituals and readings which are overused., unless the couple specifically requests it. I want the couple and the guests to remember the wedding and its contents through the years. You can only do that if the text isn't the same thing they have heard at many weddings with many ministers.

I have an additional responsibility if the wedding is religious.  I want the ceremony to be true to the religion of the couple.  If they are of different faiths I try to blend the elements of both religions being true to both without one overshadowing the other. Luckily my position as International Moderator of the United Fellowship of Interfaith Ministers,gives me easy access to files from most of the major religions and a lot of the smaller ones; too. Between those files and the power of the net, and contact with ministers of that faith I have been successful at writing and performing ceremonies from many faiths.

Which of these is the main one? I have been unable to pick just one. I'd be interested in hearing what you think? Leave me a note if you would like to choose one.

Cordially,

Reverend Million

Have you ever turned down a couples invitation to perform a wedding ceremony and why?

www.remembranceweddings.com

a service of the Spiritual Growth Fellowship

a  church of The Sovereign Holy Order of Saint Raphael

Beautiful, Meaningful & Memorable

Romantic Personal Wedding Ceremonies You’ll Remember Forever

The Most Reverend Doctor Charles E. Million, D.D.

12 Lake Forest Court West - Saint Charles, MO 63301

Email:maxmillion1@earthlink.net remembranceweddings@earthlink.net

  

Phone:636-925-1703 Or:314-965-5648  Toll Free: 888-521-8146  Cell:314-503-4727   Fax:636-724-1325 

 Have you ever turned down a couples invitation to perform a wedding ceremony and why did you turn them down?

I was approached by two women who wanted a ceremony.  I was agreeable to performing a ceremony. I did explain that since Missouri does not honor same sex marriages it would not be legally recognized.  The woman on the phone said she understood that.

We planned out the tone of the ceremony, what rituals they were interested in having me perform , the types of vows, procession et al. 

I sent her an agreement for a Commitment Covenant Ceremony.  I received a call from both women who expressed their displeasure that they wanted the agreement and the ceremony text to use the word "Marriage."

I explained that Missouri law contained a specific provision against using the word "Marriage" in a same sex ceremony and penalties included fines and the loss of my right to perform marriages in Missouri.  The insisted that the wanted the ceremony text to use the word "Marriage."

I respectfully declined to perform the ceremony.

I respect the right of same sex couples to marry and am happy to work with them so their special day is everything they want it to be. Now Illinois recognizes same sex marriages.

I am pleased to offer services to same sex couples.  I f Missouri same sex couples wish a ceremony, I can perform a Commitment Covenant in Missouri or a marriage ceremony in Illinois.

Illinois same sex couples, I am happy to work with you on your marriage ceremony.

What is the biggest mistake you ever made and "vowed" never to repeat?

What is the biggest mistake you ever made and "vowed" never to repeat?

I have thought about this question a lot. I have made mistakes in weddings I know, but they have been small ones, mostly typos.  I guess the biggest mistake was misspelling the bride's name on a complimentary bound copy of the ceremony that I provide the wedding couple.  I knew the correct spelling and made a typo when I was preparing it. 

I apologized to the couple and prepared a new copy with the correct spelling.  I have taken steps to not repeat the mistake.

This would be the shortest blog entry in my history if I stop now so I will relate a story about a mistake I was witness to.

I was doing a wedding at Bee Tree Park at the mansion gardens. I had done the rehearsal on Thursday and was showing up an hour early, as is my custom, on Saturday to set up for the wedding. I was surprised because there were some guests already sitting in the chairs that had been set up for the wedding. One of the items I was carting in was a music stand.

One of ladies there saw the music stand and came over to me and said, " I sure could use that, I left mine at home. Could I borrow it?"

I explained that I needed it.  She asked "Are you playing music at the wedding?" "No, I told her. I am the minister." "No, " she stated, "that can't be....I am the minister."  " Well I did the rehearsal on Thursday," I told her. " And nobody has called to tell me I'm no longer doing it.  Let me ask you, what is the name of the Bride and Groom?"

She and the guests in the chairs were at the wrong wedding. The wedding she wanted was at the other end of the park.  And it was already ten minutes after the wedding she was doing was supposed to start.

I learned a valuable lesson. Whenever I do a wedding in a park I always pin down exactly where the ceremony is to be held.